As you’ve no doubt noticed, superhero movies are all the rage right now. Studios have also noticed this, and are churning out film after film featuring all sorts of tight-wearing do-gooders, often without bothering to give any consideration to the quality of the film. I, for one, do not wish to pay to see these shitty movies, and I’m guessing I’m not the only one. So, in order to separate the good from the considerably less good, I’m going to watch the trailers for several upcoming superhero films, and guesstimate how much I would like them based on said trailers. Oh, and I’m also going to guess what their Rotten Tomatoes scores will be, mainly so that I can feel all good about myself if I get them right. Although, I’ll probably get them completely wrong, so maybe not…

Captain America: The First Avenger

I kind of want to like this, but I just can’t get into it. Captain America just looks so…cheesy. Which would be fine if they were going for a kind of campy movie (which I would love to see), but this is obviously intended to be “gritty”, and I’m just not buying it. Every time he starts to do something that could be considered “cool”, I find myself giggling at his costume (it doesn’t help that he’s always standing next to soldiers that are dressed all serious-like). It’s weird, though, because I can take Captain America seriously in a comic book setting, ridiculous costume and all. Some things just don’t translate well from comic book to movie. This whole movie seems pretty unnecessary, but I guess they kind of need to do it if they want to do that Avengers movie later, seeing as Captain America is kind of integral to the group. Although I must admit, I’m kind of excited for The Avengers, if only because of Joss Whedon’s involvement.

Predicted Llama Rating: 6 out of 10 llamas
Predicted Rotten Tomatoes Score: 40%

Green Lantern

Okay, now this just looks horrible. For starters, Hal seems like a serious douchebag. And not in a Tony Stark type way where his douchebaggery is actually somewhat endearing. No, this is just the kind of guy that I would like to beat with the nearest available blunt object. Based on this trailer, it seems like his personality just ricochets back and forth between cocky asshole to obnoxious and whiny, which is sure to get very annoying very quickly. The other big issue is that the overall look of the movie is just kind of cheap, which is odd, considering the multi-million dollar budget. And then there’s Hal’s costume. Captain America’s costume looks cheesy, but that’s because it has to. I really can’t think of a way to make his costume look better without changing it beyond recognition. But Green Lantern? You’d think it wouldn’t be too much to ask for a costume that doesn’t look shitty.

Predicted Llama Rating: 3 out of 10 llamas
Predicted Rotten Tomatoes Score: 25%


Hmmm…This one is tough, but I’m thinking it actually looks like it’ll be kind of fun. Not high art exactly, but it certainly appears to be solid enough to make a decent popcorn flick. Also, it seems to succeed where both Captain America and Green Lantern fail; it actually looks like I might be able to take it seriously. Also, I’ve always liked the whole mythology angle that Thor has, and I think it’ll be a nice change of pace from other more science-based superhero movies.

Predicted Llama Rating: 7 out of 10 llamas
Predicted Rotten Tomatoes Score: 60%

X-Men: First Class

I really want this to be good. I loved the first two X-Men movies, but then the next two were…umm…well, let’s just pretend they didn’t happen, okay? Thankfully, the trailer for this looks promising. It seems to have a lot of things I like in a superhero movie: solid special effects, rivalry between super-friends, JFK cameos – you know, that sort of thing. I’m also very happy with James McAvoy as young Professor X and Michael Fassbender as young Magneto. Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellan were just so perfect in the first three films that I was afraid they wouldn’t be able to find anyone who could fill their shoes, but I think McAvoy and Fassbender will both do great jobs. If this movie sucks, I will be severely disappointed. And also very angry.

Predicted Llama Rating: 8.5 out of 10 llamas
Predicted Rotten Tomatoes Score: 65%

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