Top of the iTunes - Week of 11/18

This segment reviews the top 10 U.S. iTunes songs of the week.

iTunes Top 10 for 11/18 (taken around 4pm)

As thanksgiving (and more importantly, Black Friday) inches closer, the pop industry is churning out even more trash than usual. After all, executives need Christmas presents too ($$$). This week saw a massive influx in music by boys who are only popular because 13 year old girls want to have sex with them. Other than that, some pretty interesting reshuffling has happened. Where did all the females go? Let's find out, and start the impressions.

1. One Direction - Diana (review)

One Direction is top dog this week utilizing their massive fan-base of sexually frustrated Tumblr users to push this new release to the top. It's.... eh. More than the usual eh of One Direction. (maybe it's a grower?)

Lbr, this is the only reason they're successful.

So even though One Direction is literally used as a euphemism for anal penetration in my friend circle ("I heard One Direction coming from my quad mate's room yesterday"), I actually listen to a few of their songs, especially this era. I got addicted to "Best Song Ever" once I found out I could play ukulele to it really easily, and I finally listened to "Story of my Life" and thought it was Spotify-worthy.

However, I can't really get into this song. Even looking beyond 1D's usual teen-Robin-Thicke lyrics. Like, it probably wasn't best to admit "you don't even know me" and then proceed to talk about sexing her up, and wanting to save her from her actual boyfriend. Also, do all five of them wanna have sex with this girl gang bang style, or are the rest just being musical wingmans?

"Don't worry! We'll save you from making your own choices about who you want to date!"

Anyway, the chorus is only decent and the verses are really dull. Next.

[WAIT-UNTIL-YOU-DIRECTIONER-FRIENDS-FORCE-YOU-TO-LISTEN-TO IT]

2. Justin Bieber -  PYD (feat. R Kelly) (review)

Can I just listen to the iTunes snippet and pretend to have listened to the whole song and trash it? No? Ugh fine, gimme a second.

Browsing the YouTube comments while listening to this diarrhea.

Looking at hot guys to try and distract myself.

Fuck this song is five minutes I did not plan for this.

Thinking up an R Kelly pee joke during his verse.

Okay so yeah, it still sucks.

[SHADE IT]

3. Eminem - The Monster (feat. Rihanna) (review)

Eminem's pandering-to-the-charts song drops two spots, but we all know JB and 1D's songs are gonna fall out of the top 10 by tomorrow, so it's still pretty much on top.

"Must not... look grateful..."

I added this song on Spotify and have listened to it a bit (19 times). However, it's started to get pretty boring already. Eminem's verses are cute and all ("Hit the lottery, oh wee", "guess beggars can't be choosey"), and Rihanna is on the chorus, but it all feels really light. Which is weird for a song about suffering from multiple mental illnesses. Idk. Eminiem's gonna slay the charts with this, but I'm gonna keep listening to "Beautiful Pain" instead.

[SPOTIFY IT]

4. Lorde - Royals (review)

Can we talk about the music video for a second? Like

1. How the US version is literally the same thing except we see Lorde's face more. Just shows how celebrity obsessed this country is compared to the rest of the world.
2. The two dudes in this.

Does anyone else ship them? No? Okay.

   3. Why are they boxing in a suspiciously unfurnished house? Like for a song about just being a normal                teenager, nothing they do in this music video is what any real teen does. 

Completely normal behavior.

[BUY IT]

5. OneRepublic - Counting Stars (review)

It'd take a really long time to count the stars. Like a seriously long time. Although I guess it'd probably take the same amount of time as counting dollars for OneRepublic with this song continuing to make bank.

I should probably talk about the music video, but I need a few more days to process it.

Uhh...

[SPOTIFY IT]

6. God$ha - Timber (feat. Shitbull) (review)

That girl's spray tan is as brown as wood.

God$ha continues to explode expectations and dominate the world with this pop masterpiece. In 100 years, historians will study this song for insight into the deep cultural values of early 21st century America. This song will play on the oldies station of Pandora. Ke$ha will be immortalized in ice so she can still smash out a hit every few years. And Warrior will still have sold less than 20 copies.

[BUY IT]

7. One Direction - Diana (review)

One Direction is top dog this week utilizing their massive fan-base of sexually frustrated Tumblr users to push this.... wait a second, what the fuck is this song doing at #7?!

Okay, so after thoroughly investigating, it seems that this version of the song is from the standard version of the album, while the one at #1 is from the deluxe version.

Also, both versions are exactly the same.

So pretty much, bitches be so thirsty they're buying this trash heap of a song twice in the hopes that Harry will let them suck his dick.

Not sure I'm seeing the appeal.

[STOP IT]

8. Imagine Dragons - Demons (review)

The cutest song of 2013 continues to get cuter. I've been blasting this song since last week, and still haven't gotten bored. Plus, the music video.

It's literally in memory of a guy who died of cancer, and consists of showing how their fan's lives are all fucked up (skinny guy hates being skinny, dad's an abusive drunk, etc).

Unaltered "Demons" music video screenshot.

[BUY IT]

9. Passenger - Let Her Go (review)

I really wanna like this song. Passenger has been around forever and now he finally is getting his first hit, the song's lyrics are well crafted, and it's great to see folk music making a (super minor) comeback.

But his voice is so annoying like holy fuck.

[SPOTIFY IT]

10. Katy Perry - Roar (review)

All I have to say about the song this week.

[SPOTIFY IT]

Obscure Indie Gems: aka any song not in the top 10

50. Lily Allen - Hard Out Here: I was gonna make a full review of this song. I still might. But basically all you need to know about this song is the chorus is seven words and feminists, argued, a lot, about, this, song.

88. Sia - Elastic Heart: I finally got around to listening to this. Gonna play this song like 10 times once I publish this post to wash the taste of "PYD" from my mouth. (also, I'm totally convinced this would be a great song to make love to, even though the lyrics aren't very applicable for that act.)

Why the 3DS Slide Pad Will Actually Be Great

Horrible.

Ask anyone who bought a Nintendo 3DS launch day about its launch, and they’ll give you a list of complaints. The battery life is terrible, the 3D sweet-spot is tiny, there are no games for it, it was overpriced, the eShop took over two months to be up, there are still NO GAMES, etc. In Nintendo’s attempt to get the 3DS out before the end of their fiscal year, they basically screwed everyone over with the 3DS’s launch.

Equally Horrible?

Another prime example that Nintendo botched the 3DS’s launch is that dreaded second analog stick attachment, the Slide Pad. When it was first announced alongside Monster Hunter 3G, a lot of Nintendo fans freaked out, me included. Here was another accessory that 3DS early adopters would have to get for their 3DS to make it what it should have been at launch. And besides, the thing looked gigantic and hideous, uncomfortable, and it seemed to warn that Nintendo would release a revised 3DS even sooner than expected. However, as more news came out about it, I started to see the Slider Pad not as a failure, but as something that will bring nothing but good to the system. Here are five reasons why:

Top 50 Avatar: The Last Airbender Characters (Part 1, 50-31)

Us here at ForkThisLlama will die believing that Avatar: The Last Airbender is one of the best shows of all time. Each of us were introduced to it at different times but all of us became obsessed. Have you ever known anyone who disliked Avatar? We did't think so. (Because we killed them.) A major contributing factor to this love of the show are its fabulously amazing characters. It's crazy how many memorable characters there are, and how developed some are too. Especially since this is technically a childrens' show. 

And so, without further ado, we present to you this super-sexy top fifty characters of Avatar: The Last Airbender. The criteria for this wasn't the funniest, most memorable, or even our favorite characters. But because of what they contribute to the series. (which still encompasses how funny/memorable/deep they are).  The quotes below the pictures are ones we thought summed up the character, or were one of are favorite. And now, number 50!

[This is the first of four parts, with characters 50-31.]

Born This Way [Special Edition] Mega Review – Ranking All 17 Songs

It’s finally out. After waiting a year and a half (though it felt much longer) for Lady Gaga’s new album, it’s released to the masses. Can you believe this is only her second full album? In that short time, Gaga’s music style has changed pretty substantially, especially for a pop artist. But does Born This Way present a step forward or backward for the newest queen of pop? The answer to that is in this “Mega Review.” First I’ll rank all seventeen songs in order from worst to greatest, giving a track-by-track review of each song, and a rating out of ten. Choosing the order to place the songs was far from easy, but no we have this shiny list! After going through each song there’ll be a more general look at the album. And when my actual physical copy of the CD comes, (damn you Super Saver Shipping!!) I’ll add a bit about the package. Enough intro chat. Let’s start the list.

Top Most Anticipated E3 2011 Nintendo Rumors

It’s coming to be that time of year again. No, not summer vacation, but something much nerdier, and just as exciting. E3. 2011. Each year, all three companies pull out all the stops to make crazy new announcements, get famous stars to present, and sometimes, bribe the journalists.

With a little less than two months before this year’s E3, excitement and speculation is building. And with that speculation comes the rumors. There seems to be a lot more leaks from Nintendo than usual this year, though we’re still unsure about much of what Nintendo will be announcing. However, that doesn’t stop us from blowing these rumors out of proportion to please our fanboy dreams, which is exactly what me (Luke) and SparkChaos will be doing in this article. We’ve sifted through the rumors and predictions and picked out the top five that we want to be true. While the choices have nothing to do with likelihood of it being true, we’ve added a rating out of five for all you number-nuts on how likely we think the rumor actually is. First up isn’t a game, but could make the 3DS a hot item.

Llama List: The Top Ten Opening Title Sequences

When you watch a movie, do you pay attention to the opening titles?  If you do, then you know I’m right in saying that they can be really awesome.  If you don’t, then you should probably start.  While at times opening titles can seem somewhat tedious and unnecessary, they can also be used as a great tool to both showcase creative techniques and set the tone of the film.  In celebration of this underrated art, I decided to pick my top ten favorite opening title sequences. 

You wish you were this cool.