Now that Justin Bieber finally popped his cherry by going to Brazil and sleeping with a prostitute, he's now convinced he's the expert of all things sex, as "PYD" clearly shows. PYD stands for "put you down" btw, which made me think this was an anti-bullying song for a while.

*Sigh*. Can I just listen to the iTunes snippet and pretend to have listened to the whole song and trash it? No? Ugh fine, gimme a second.

PYD = prickish young douchebag?
Browsing the YouTube comments while listening to this diarrhea.

Darren Criss being sexier than you
Looking at hot guys to try and distract myself.
he's shirtless
Fuck this song is five minutes I did not plan for this.
r kelly is sad he got caught
Thinking up an R Kelly pee joke during his verse.
Okay so yeah, it still sucks.

It's almost too easy to review this song. It makes Blurred Lines look like a feminist anthem. Like, here's a sample of the lyrics:
On a plane, a train, an automobile doesn't matter
I'm a put you down (PYD PYD PYD)
All the way down (PYD PYD PYD)
Yes, referencing 80's comedy movies has been proven with 95% accuracy to induce wetness in females.

old men sleeping together
Definition of sexy.
Or maybe this gem:
This will show you how much I love you
For my appreciation I'm a put you down (PYD PYD PYD PYD PYD PYD PYD) 
Yes young girls. Justin Bieber is teaching you an important lesson today: if you're a faithful and dedicated girlfriend, you might just be rewarded with really bad misogynistic sex! Your pussy could even bleed! :D

Lily Allen washing a car tire while casually dismantling sexism
Now just a caveat. I'm not saying domination in sex is always a bad thing. As long as both partners want it, domination/submission and objectification is totally fine (and super sexy like omg). Gaga showed this with G.U.Y. like literally two weeks ago. But this song makes it seem like if a girl isn't being dominated, it's not true sex, and when a girl does get treated like a slut, it'll automatically be the best sex of her life. Which is a big no no.

JB is shirtless and looks like an asshole
I can't believe I'm actually defending myself over a song performed by the asparagus of the pop industry.
Anyway, so lyrics = bad. Melody and beat? Also pretty shitty. The hook is three letters repeated until your ears bleed. Which is fairly common for pop songs but most of those songs aren't sung like a 12 year old trying to seduce his teacher right after he discovered the word "sex."

Also, the R Kelly verse is so bad. Though it makes sense the asparagus of pop music teams up with an old man obsessed with pee.

person doing forensics on your body
"'Cause I've been doing forensics On your body." - actual words sung by R Kelly in the song
Finally, this song is five minutes. Fuck that, my life is too short for this.

+ It's already fallen out of the iTunes Top 10 one day after release
- Every core element that makes up a song (lyrics, beat, vocals), Music Mondays still isn't over, I spent part of my life reviewing this

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